By Maryam Al Shehhi
Remember back in the days,
When my biggest concern was
Deciding on my favorite toys
Or simply crawling across?
–
But, I never told you
That I loved the way I dressed
The friends I had, the first step
I understood what mama meant
–
But I never told you
That Mariam says my name is
Misspelled, mispronounced
You wanted to call me Maha
–
Remember back in the days
when my biggest concern was
memorizing the song we learned
the one you sang for hours
–
But, I never told you
That the happy child would
Hide under blankets, for hours
When you’d fight for hours
–
But I never told you
That sometimes I would sing
The songs we learned together
When you’d …
–
Remember back in the days
When you made sure a towel
Sleeps under my head, after showers
Because I shouldn’t get sick
–
But, I never told you
That I wanted a hundred more
Towels, that one was not enough
For years ahead of me and late showers
–
But I never told you
How much henna makes my hair
Happy, and how I never wanted to
chop my hair, never was a rule
–
Remember back in the days
When my biggest concern was
Winning the spelling bee competition
Or riding my bicycle safely, like Omar
–
But, I never told you
That I really wanted to win that day
And that not winning itself still
Accompanies me everyday
–
But I never told you
How my skirt fell in class
And how everyone laughed
Including Omar, but I didn’t, I still don’t
–
Remember back in the days
When my biggest concern was
Kissing your forehead and hugging you
After I show you my A+ and certificate
–
But, I never told you
That some cuddles were because
I was not feeling well…
Or because I was having feelings
–
But I never told you
That I memorized do’s and don’t’s
Even the meaning of consent
Yet I never told you what happened
–
Remember back in the days
When my biggest concerns were
communicated via letters, back and forth
I’d tell you about everything, and you’d respond
–
But, I never told you
How much I truly loved him
And how up to this day
I still do
–
But I never told you
How much he broke my heart
And how I cried for years
And how I should’ve listened to you
–
Remember back in the days
When my biggest concern was
Making you proud, in high school
By achieving the distinction we wanted
–
But, I never told you
That I cried for days and nights
Wiped me tears, smiled like I always do
And battled for that distinction
–
But I never told you
How leaving school emptied me
That I still feel that part of me
Still exists in school
–
Remember back in the days
When I’d come every weekend
And answer all your calls on time
Tell you about my food and classes
–
But, I never told you
How I was anorexic, depressed,
And alone.. How the whole world
was collapsing above my head
–
But I never told you
That your care helped me
Battle and survive everyday
And how your love is my healer
–
I’m telling you everything* today
Maryam Al Shehhi is an Emirati writer studying Political Science and Literature Creative Writing at NYUAD. The daughter of Ras Al Khaimah’s mountains, yet, having been born and raised in Abu Dhabi, she finds herself existing in the land in between seas and mountains. Maryam is passionate about the arts and culture, as she has been invested in various forms of self-expression; she has performed in plays and a musical reality show, and she is an editor of an Arabic magazine. Maryam is currently interning at Sekka.
The views of the authors and writers who contribute to Sekka, and the views of the interviewees who are featured in Sekka, do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Sekka, its parent company, its owners, employees and affiliates.