Opinion The Marriage Issue

Yes, marriage is great!

It is not a gateway to your misery.

By Hanan Al Sammak

Almost every time I am gathered up with a group of people, be it far relatives, friends or even people I meet at corporate events, I hear a negative joke about how marriage is devastating. What fascinates me is how everybody else always agrees with the idea that marriage is a gateway to your misery. 

Before making this argument, I need to boldly state that I am single. “ Oh Hanan! Then you don’t know what you are talking about, ” you might say. On the contrary, I know exactly what I am talking about.

Judging by my life’s never ending adventures, the struggles of quitting my corporate job and starting my own journey of entrepreneurship, travelling the world, speaking to and training thousands of people about the art of wellbeing, meeting diverse people from different parts of the continent and listening to stories of hundreds and hundreds of people, which was the fuel and inspiration to my journey, I have come to realise that marriage is just like any other project. 

If we were to revise some key elements from Business 101, to begin any start up we need a solid business plan that states our main vision, our mission, the corporate values we want to abide by, the action plan that involves a whole bunch of marketing and branding techniques and, of course, where we see our business in five years. I have recently read on Forbes that 8 out of 10 entrepreneurs who start businesses fail within the first 18 months according to Bloomberg. Woah. Does that mean any dreamer with a vision should quit his pursuit? Absolutely not. 

“I have come to realise that marriage is just like any other project.”

Let me ask you something: what do you read mostly on your timeline? Do you often read the stories of couples that are happily married? Or are you constantly shocked at the crazy statistical facts that divorce rates are pretty high in our societies? Most news accounts on our social media platforms want us to believe that hope is no longer an option, whether it’s on a marriage topics, health or even life itself!

I am not arguing for detached positivity, which is a concept in positive psychology that basically means being unreal. Real positivity comes from the fact that you can clearly witness reality and decide to make a change. How? By simply not feeding off the drama. 

If you are scared of marriage, ask yourself: who am I hanging out with? What information am I feeding my brain on a daily basis? And most importantly, how am I working towards self-development?

Here is a basic formula of self-development: before we strive to improve ourselves mentally, physically, or spiritually, we need to first understand ourselves. We should ask ourselves: what needs improvement? What needs change? 

So, do we understand the beautiful meaning of marriage in the first place? Are we aware that it needs a plan, a vision, a set of values that we need to keep in mind, and that it takes constant work on ourselves to start with, and then on the relationship itself?

“Marriage is a world where you don’t have to suffer or dream alone.”

I would love to leave you with an important success factor: for any project to work beautifully, the element of passion has to be there. 

Most successful business owners, history makers and heroes emphasize on passion. If you want to succeed in any part of your life, you need to love what you are doing! And marriage is no different. 

Marriage is about loving the idea of sharing your life with a partner who understands you, and whom you chose carefully. It’s about starting a family to which you can pass your wisdom . It’s about working on a case that is meaningful, and much bigger than just your circle. 

And yes, marriage is great! The fact that you can share your dreams, hopes and tears with somebody else who shares the same passion for marriage as yourself is heartwarming. Marriage is a world where you don’t have to suffer or dream alone. 

“What if I don’t find that person?” you might wonder. Well, I’ll tell you that you don’t ever find them, they find you. They come when you are finally positive about the idea of marriage, when you realise that it is constant hard work towards your happiness and not just a temporary, fun wedding ceremony; when you break all your fears, when you reprogram the hundreds of negative thoughts built in your subconscious for years and when you find your inner peace. The moment you have the ability to find happiness within yourself, this is when you’ll know you’re ready. 

The views of the authors and writers who contribute to Sekka, and the views of the interviewees who are featured in Sekka, do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Sekka, its parent company, its owners, employees and affiliates.

Hanan Al Sammak is a licensed Emirati self-development trainer and coach who has authored three self-development books. She is also the co-founder of Heart Masters for Training and Consultancies, and an educational and intellectual expert in Dubai Police’s General Happiness Department.